This Email Will Rattle Most People – It’s How I Felt (And Have Been Feeling For A Long Time)

I actually sent this email to my lovely wife, Kanyah. Apart from intending to explain my frustration and discomfort with what she is doing out there in Pakchong, it was also intended to have an effect – to change what seh was doing.

I Deleted The Email From Her Email Account After She Phoned Me

The she called me. Yes she was eventually getting round to doing what I had been imploring her to do for months – basically to stop living in the hotel and to move into the house.

She told me that…

  • The house itself would be finished and ready to move into in three days time
  • The drive (for the car) would be finished in three days time
  • The local Sherrif had been to see her about getting her house papers and getting her name registered on them
  • She would be leaving the hotel at the end of the month (one week away) and moving on to stay with our neighbour
  • Tomorrow she will go with our neighbour to see the monk to get the date for blessing the house so that she can move in
  • and… please send more money!
  • She also said that when I push her and we end up arguing, she feels “down” and loses her motivation to push things forward.

Kanyah Is building This Retirement House in Pakchong (Pak Chong), Thailand, For Me Not Just For Herself

But what really  prompted me to delete the email was when she said the “when you see how wonderful the the house is you will be proud of what I have done”. Then the penny dropped with me. She was doing all this not just for herself but also to please me. She wanted me to be proud of her. That’s why she was doing it – for me – not just for herself.

Anyway, here is the email. It’s still in her gmail account in the deleted folder – I can undelete it at any time.

Message from Your Husband

Date: 24 October 2011

Dear Kanyah, I have always sent you money when you have asked for it and I have done it again today.

But this is the last time. There are three reasons why I say this:-

1. I Am Not Saving for Retirement to ThailandI am supposed to be saving for my retirement, but I’m saving nothing – all my income goes to you.

2. You Are Wasting Money

You are spending money on things not necessary and what I did not agree to. A lot of the money you spend is wasted on things not necessary.

3. You Won’t Finish The House First

You are supposed to finish the house so that you and I can stay there.

________________________________________________________________________________

DETAILS

1. I Am Not Saving for Retirement to Thailand

Look how much money I have been sending you:-

Description

Sent £

Sent Baht

TOTAL House and Land

94,517

4,651,335

Land Cost

20,000

1,000,000

TOTAL House Only 2011

74,517

3,651,335

Nearly £100,000 and 5 million Baht!

That is crazy money.

When we started this project you said you could get the house and land for £20,000. Now you have spent nearly £100,000 (3.6 million Baht) and it’s still not finished.

Pongsak’s price to build the house was 1.7 million Baht. You are over double that!

Look how much money I have sent you in the last four months:-

Month

£

Baht

July

11,000

539,000

August

6,000

294,000

September

7,000

343,000

October

6,000

294,000

That is all my income – before TAX.

I didn’t pay tax yet. I have to go back and pay tax on my income. That means I have to work a month or more just to pay my tax.

And I’m not saving anything for my retirement to Thailand.

You are selfish and thinking only about yourself and the house. Spending money without thinking about our plans for the future.

I think of you like Jalan and Pongsak – sucking money from the rich farang.

Not very nice is it?

2. You Are Wasting Money

First the toilet.

Look at the toilet:-

Image of Toilet Block 03

Rendering The Blockwork On The Right Hand Side Of The Toilet Block

I was thinking about 1.5 by 1.5 meters. This toilet block is about 10 meters by 3 meters. It’s big enough to be a house.

You never asked me about the size and you never tell me how much things cost or what you want to spend.

The toilet is so big you can’t even take a photo showing all of it!

Not fair and a waste of precious money.

Next, the concrete.

Look at this photo:-

Image of the Utility Block Front Concrete

Toilet Block and Mass Concrete

This is just the concrete in the front of the house. You have it all round.

What’s it for? In the photo above exactly what is that concrete for?

How much did it cost?

Did I agree to it?

Did you ever ask me? Did you tell me the price before you did it?

In this case you are eating into the land where you want to grow plants. Does not make sense to me.

Now the marble floors.

Look at the photo.

Image of Terrazzo Marble Floor 01 Workshop 01

Reflections Of The Windows On The Shiny Surface Of The Highly Polished Terrazzo Marble Floor In The Workshop

This is my workshop.

A workshop is a dirty place. My machinces will scratch the marble and spoil it in weeks.

The black colour is wrong. When I drop tiny pieces on the floor I won’t be able to find them.

This marble floor is not necessary for a workshop. 100% waste of money.

Next picture:-

This is the car park!

Whoever had marble floors in the car park?

A car park gets dirty from the cars. The wheels make a mark and the oil drops down.

You keep it clean then.

3. You Won’t Finish The House First

I keep asking you to move out of the hotel and into the house. But you don’t do it.

In a few weeks I’ll be coming there for Christmas.

If you haven’t moved in where do you think I’m going to stay?

In The Mansion?

Forget it. If I can’t stay in my house that has taken 2 years and 5 million Baht to build just give me my car back and I’ll go stay somewhere else, without you.

________________________________________________________________________________

Guesss What?

Can you guess? Do you know what I am thinking?

In case you can’t let me make it easy for you, my Darling.

I AM NOT HAPPY!

  • I feel cheated.
  • I have been ripped off.
  • I have no money.
  • I have been too soft.
  • I’m p****d off and angry.

See you at Christmas (Maybe)

Love, Dad.

The Next Day Everything Was Different

The next day I was glad I deleted the email before Kanyah saw it because she phoned me with some great news as you can read on the  “Thai House Address – Baan Lek Tee In Thai Language” Post. Go there right now to be cheered up!

 


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7 Responses to “Putting The Boot In – The Email I Deleted”

  • Dr. Robert Snader:

    Hello Allen:

    I have sent you on letter before but not my wife asks me to write this one.
    I should tell you that my wife is Thai and a government official currently completing her PhD.  I am an American PhD and we have been married for two years.  I provide this information to establish legitimacy.

    I am reluctant to write this letter but my wife feels that I should and I have to agree after reading all of your posts and today reviewing your 5million baht cost analysis. Let me state initially that you have every objective right to feel both angry and frustrated.  There is no question in my mind or my wife’s that you are most certainly being cheated and taken advantage of and this is a statement of fact.  The only question remaining pertains to who holds responsibility for this.

    Let me respectfully provide you with some objective facts obtained from not only discussions with my wife, but joint objective research and analysis as well:

    1.  The true cost of undeveloped land in Pak Chong should run from 250,000-500,000 baht per rai.  (We do not know how much land you purchased.)

    2.  The cost of labor to build your home should not exceed 2,500 baht per sq. meter. (Labor Cost Only with you and your wife supplying materials)

    3.  If the builder were providing labor and material ( and I mean the very highest grade material) total cost should not exceed 10,000 baht per square meter.

    My wife and I are both truly sorry for this misfortune and hope it can be resolved,but you most assuredly been taken gross advantage of by some means.

    We can provide any additional documentation or support that you might need.
    We do care.  We also hope that your marriage is duly licensed and registered in Thailand as well, since that would be necessary to protect you legally in the event of a worse case scenerio.

    Best wishes,

    Bob and Kanpitcha (Mikky)

    From what my wife and I have read and observed on this postiing, you have paid far more than you should have.  Your total house building costs should never have exceeded 2 million baht and that is total finished cost excluding home furnishings.

    [Reply]

  • Dr. Robert Snader:

    Dear Allen:

    As an example of what I am saying please go to the follow website:
    http://www.banpatan.com/home/

    Total price of the home is 1.2 million baht.

    Bob

    [Reply]

  • Dudley:

    Hi Allan,
                   I know exactly how you feel. But consider this, you can at least see where the money is going,unlike some husbands who have wives who spend and spend and they cannot see where the money has gone.

    I think your wife has done a great job from the photos iv’e seen. I wish I had someone as capable as she. You can look forward to a wonderful retirement in a grand home.

                                   Cheers, Dudley 

    [Reply]

    admin Reply:

    Hi Dudley and thanks for the comment.

    Your’e dead right about knowing where the money is going. I’m really grateful for that because I have been through the ‘where has all the money gone’ situation before and I know many husbands of Thai wives are being ripped off either to feed their families or more often their lust for gambling.

    Kanyah certainly has done a wonderful job particularly when you understand that she has never done anything like this in her life before. She’s a very practical woman.

    Thanks again for the comment, please come back soon.

    Alan

    [Reply]

  • Len:

    I don’t know if I totally agree with the good Dr.’s post. It sounds like your
    land price is a little high but it would depend on how much you have. But
    the cost of the house, while high, can get easily get up there. Even living in a
    rice village a close neighbor from Norway spent 10 M bt. on his house. Mine is
    not so luxurious and I only spent 1 1/2 M bt. but I think it is very nice. I didn’t
    have to buy the land because it belongs to the family so I saved there. I spent
    1 M bt for the first half of the house (the American 1/2) and would have spent
    another 1 M on the other half (the Thai half ) but was talked out of it. So we
    did the second floor in wood instead of cement and a tin roof instead of the
    better ceramics that the first 1/2 has, but with a little more land and doing it
    my way could have cost 2+ M bt.Don’t know what you spent on labor but it should have been under 2500 bt/sq meter. I had a crew of up to 9 men working up to 10 hours some days- cost was 340,000 bt for 196 Sq meters -
    about 1750 per/sq/meters – That included the house – a 7 foot wall built around 1/2 the house – cementing everything around the house (rice villages get very muddy), building a car port and an outside Thai bathroom (very small). Fortunate to have neighbors and relatives to build it but even then
    everyone in the village said the crew was more expensive then most. One
    thing Noi and I did was to buy everything ourselves. We would go with the boss
    man – also the second in charge of our village – to each supply stores and buy
    the items needed – so I know we were not over charged for supplies – in almost
    all cases the price was right on the items needed. (Don’t know about you but we went through 700 bags of cement). The most important advice that I can
    give you is to remember this is you retirement house – where you may end up
    spending the rest of your life – unless you are really strapped for cash – and
    it doesn’t sound like it – you want the nicest and most comfortable house you
    can afford – what you have in the bank when you go isn’t going to do you any
    good.

    [Reply]

  • Alec:

    Hi Alan
    I agree with Dudley and it must be very hard for Kanyah to project manage your new house without your being present and I understand that she wants to please you and get the best job done for you -the boss. Many ladies could not have even started to manage what she has done.
    Since my first visit to Thailand in 2000 I have learnt more about the Thai way of doing things and so when I built our new house I fully expected my wife’s grandma, mum, dad and brother and sister to live with us and I accept that it is my job to finance the whole shooting match and I fully realise the implications of the  culture differences.  
    One Thai custom shook me a little though and that was after the big wedding party which started at 05-30 am and closed down the main street in the village for all the tables and chairs to be set up, I noticed that a new double bed had been assembled in the large living room where all the family slept. The family are ardent Buddhists and very traditional (same as me) so my wife Nong and I had not slept together before the wedding and after all the ceremonial duties had been completed (including me leading a procession of villagers from the other end of the village to the family house with a large plate covered in money, and then giving 4000 Baht to the brother and sister before being allowed to enter the house, and giving a talk in Thai about how we met and fell in love, my wife’s mum led we newly weds to the new bed expecting us to retire there that VERY night. After discussing the forthcoming nuptuals briefly with my wife, we made our apologies and spent our first night in a nearby hotel!!!!. The next day we flew to Phuket for a great honeymoon at the Amari Resort Hotel where they made us very very welcome. They left beautiful pink flowers in a heart shape on the large bed and they had also presented us with a very tasty chocolate cake and sweets in our room overlooking the sea. It was so nice we stayed there for the whole of the Songkran Festival and we hired a motorbike to get round on. Since we both enjoy riding motorbikes we took it in turns to drive on each trip. All this happened on 6th April 5 years ago next year and we are happier every year and 2012 will be the year I move to live in our new house as I love all members of my new family very much and we all get along fine. I will be there again in December and will pay the 80,000 Baht for the adjacent small house soon to be my workshop/our English teaching school for villagers wishing to learn how to speak Norfolk (where I grew up) or Brummie (where I studied and worked for 5 years) mixed with a little BBC English.
    In our new house I noticed all the rafters were made of steel and were welded together. But the numerous welded joints were not painted over or heat treated and I wondered what you think of this idea please? I presume they no longer use wooden rafter since they can be eaten by termites as had happened with the old family house. If you like to see some photos of the new house we built and the workshop I will gladly send them but cannot see how to attach to this reply
    One last thing when the house was finished Nong’s mum chose an auspicious day for them to move in as I was back working in the UK. When I arrived there a few weeks later I decided that we should have another blessing with the monks coming and us providing lots of lovely food for them and the relations and friends who had come along to help prepare everything. This custom is very important in Thai culture and as always I am happy to comply. We are having some speakers mounted at the front of the house where each morning we can play the Thai anthem, at 08-00 and in the evening again at 18-00 hours as I think keeping the old traditions going is important. Nong and I always pray every night with the prayer ” Ala han sa maa sam put or pak a war putang pak a wan tang a pee wak tee mee etc ” Maybe the countryside is more traditional than the city folk but Nong and I have than very much in common since I was dragged up in wildest Norfolk where hunting shooting and fishing were the things to do and Mum often used to cook the pike my brother caught in the river so life in Thailand is natural for me in many ways
    Best wishes
    Alec 

    [Reply]

  • Bruce:

    Hello Alan. I have followed your progress with interest as what you are doing has been a dream of mine also. I like the style of your house, I could live there nicely. I can understand your frustration in communication as I have the same problem but from the other side of the world. My partner has a way of needing money for all sorts of things, and despite my arguments or reasons she usually gets what she wants. But at the end of the day, its only money, I know where it has gone and I love her.

    Regards Bruce

    [Reply]

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